nancys-blog

My LIN-spiration (Sorry, I just couldn't help myself!)

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 14:19:23 +0100

Like many I am fascinated with Jeremy Lin. I am fascinated by his incredible story of triumph. I have never been a sports fan but I find myself not only watching the Knicks games but checking their schedule so I don’t miss the next one.

By now we know that only a few weeks ago Jeremy was sleeping on his brother’s sofa and was so depressed he cried about his circumstances. Then the “break” came and as Jeremy said he decided to “play his game” – and what a game it is!

Jeremy had endured so many setbacks that when “his break” came he was going to do it “his way” and not be inhibited by “the rules”.

Thank you Jeremy, for reminding me to following my path, my rules and never give up no matter how difficult it might be.

Tomorrow Does Not Take Care Of Itself – You Do

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 15:50:12 +0100

Meet Ravelle. Ravelle is a lovely, smart, educated 74 year old woman. Ravelle teaches at NYU and does freelance work in PR. Ravelle is also 74 years old and admits she never saved a penny for retirement (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/pf_article_111154.html).Ravelle always thought that retirement would take care of itself.

Retirement does not take care of itself – you do! Ravelle is not alone. Many women delay putting into place money saving strategies to take care of themselves.

According to Professor Annamaria Lusardi “there is a very low level of financial knowledge among the population, especially among women” (http://www.minneapolisfed.org/publications_papers/pub_display.cfm?id=4306) – this is a serious problem for women.

Don’t be one of the women who wakes up at age 74 and finds that you don’t have enough money – do something today because tomorrow does not take care of itself – you do!

Attacking Women’s Health – What’s Next?

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:29:30 +0100

Like many others I will never give another dime to Susan G. Koman. Women’s health should not be used as a political football. I had breast cancer and thankfully I had insurance to pay for my care but there are many women who do not have health insurance and rely on Planned Parenthood for their mammographies. Women’s health is not political issue – it is a moral issue.

If woman’s health is under attack –is domestic violence next? Fact - funding for women’s organizations is being cut on all levels. On August 9^th I talked about shelters that are so overcrowded that women are put on a “waiting list” (http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog/deplorable-). These women are fleeing a dangerous situation and they have nowhere to go.

Politics is trumping morality and many women will suffer because of the inability of our political leaders to “talk” to one another.

What Frightens Me

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:55:17 +0100

I have faced and conquered a number of fears. Yet there is still one thing that frightens me – medical tests. I hate it when a doctor says “I think we should do a test just to be sure all is good.”

In years past I would panic everyday to the point where I could not think about anything else until the test was completed and I received the results. The only test I had that had a negative outcome was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was fortunate that my breast cancer was found so early and I was told that I would make a full recovery, and I did.

It’s been over 10years since I had breast cancer and it has not returned. Yeah for me! Yes, early detection works and I am proof of that – and yes I am grateful.

Today I have to have a medical test – a transvaginal sonogram. I need this test to be sure there is no thickening of my uterine lining (which is a sign of uterine cancer). I had one episode of post menopausal bleeding and since part of my treatment for breast cancer was tamoxifen (which can cause uterine cancer) the doctors just want to be sure I do not have cancer. There has been no unusual bleeding since that one incident and the doctors believe that is a good thing as it might just be due to vaginal dryness or as I like to refer to it “an aging but still beautiful vagina”.

The good news is I have not spent one minute thinking about this test until this morning. I have made a conscience effort to not go to the “dark side” and assume that when a doctor recommends a medical test that the result will be bad. Yeah for me – I’m truly moving forward!

If You Want To See The Face Of Domestic Violence – Just Look Around You

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 19:58:36 +0100

This week News4 in Jacksonville, FL published this article (http://www.news4jax.com/news/Domestic-violence-doesn-t-discriminate/-/475880/7897318/-/vfm16c/-/index.html). The title of the article is “Domestic Violence Doesn’t Discriminate”.

Many people still believe that domestic violence is prevalent at lower income levels and not affluent successful women. Well they are wrong! I was abused and I was a successful Wall Street executive.

Domestic violence is an equal opportunity social disease that affects women regardless of their race, socio-economic background, income or religion. Anyone can fall victim to domestic violence.

When Your Abuser Is a Law Enforcement Officer

Wed, 18 Jan 2012 14:24:40 +0100

In the past few days San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi has been in the news because he is alleged to have abused his wife. Even though his wife is standing beside him, the prosecutors say there are grounds for three misdemeanor charges against Mirkarimi (http://www.sfexaminer.com/local/2012/01/tweets-mirkarimis-wife-add-intrigue-domestic-violence-case). My point is not to argue for or against Sheriff Mirkarimi but to bring to light that fact that according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention incidents of domestic violence happen in 40%of families of police officers as compared to 25% of civilian families (http://www.msmagazine.com/news/uswirestory.asp?ID=13416).

According to a recent article in the San Francisco Chronicle (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2012/01/14/MNFQ1MP92G.DTL) law enforcement officers beat their wives or girlfriends at nearly double the rate of the rest of the population. The article goes on to say that trying to control domestic violence among police officers is not only difficult for the victims but potentially deadly, experts say.

Domestic violence is one of the most under-reported crimes in America and if the abuser is a police officer the victim is even more reluctant to speak out in part due to skepticism from the same law enforcement officials their partner is associated with.

Imagine your abuser is law enforcement officer who carries a gun and one day he may turn that gun on you. It’s happened far too many times as the article makes very clear (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2012/01/14/MNFQ1MP92G.DTL).

A Most Dangerous Time

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 19:52:42 +0100

One of the most dangerous times for a victim of domestic violence is when she leaves the abusive relationship. I know. When I left my ex-husband the reign of terror began in earnest. I was stalked, terrorized and beaten within an inch of my life. At the advice of my attorney I hired a bodyguard. I was fortunate I had the means to afford one but not all women do and this is a story about one of these women.

Her name was Shelby Wilkie and she was murdered by her husband. It seems that Shelby had hired a lawyer and was in the process of leaving her abusive husband –unfortunately she didn't make it.

Based on the article in Blue Ridge Now, http://www.blueridgenow.com/article/20120108/ARTICLES/120109857/1042/news?p=1&tc=pg&tc=ar, Shelby told “family members she planned to leave her husband Jan. 4”. “In an application for the warrants, police said, Shelby told her friend that in the recent past Michael had threatened to kill her if she tried to leave him and/ that he would harm her if she contacted his former wife.”

“Tanya Blackford, executive director of the local domestic violence organization Mainstay, said that she did not have any details about the Wilkie case but said that generally, the most dangerous time for victims of domestic violence is when they are trying to leave because "that's when an abuser gets most violent.”

My heart goes out to Shelby’s loved ones.

If you are reading this and you are planning to leave your abuser please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE and have them help you craft a safety plan.

This Will Scare You – But You Must Watch It

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 15:58:39 +0100

This story ran on December 30, 2011 (http://www.wmbfnews.com/story/16418294/domestic-abuse-victim-survives-12-hours-of-beating).The story is about a woman who endured 12 hours of torture at the hands of her boyfriend. During those horrifying 12 hours she was so severely beaten, kicked and dragged by her hair that she kept losing consciousness. She miraculously escaped when he left the house to get cigarettes. He was arrested.

She appeared in court to testify. “He kicked me in the head. He kicked me in the stomach. Hit me with a remote control. He picked me up by the hair off the floor.” She further added “He would drag me out of the bed by my hair. Drag me around and make me walk, and then when he'd see I could walk, he'd beat on me some more. I kept losing consciousness. I was vomiting blood."

During her testimony her face was so swollen she could barely open her eyes. Trust me, her interview is difficult to watch but it must be seen. This interview must be shared because what happened to her can happen to anyone! Her torturer remains in jail.

Making Room For The New Year

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 14:40:20 +0100

Since I have not lived in NYC for over five years I was unaware of the annual Good Riddance Day (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/29/good-riddance-day-in-time_n_1174784.htmlIt’s a day where folks can smash, shred, dump or find other ways to destroy their bad memories of 2011. I love that idea –it’s a way to make room for the good that will come into our life in 2012.

We have a similar ritual in The Business of Me to help our participants rid themselves of the negative thoughts that plague their minds –and it works. The ritual is easy to do and if practiced consistently will foster self-esteem. We guide our participants to record their negative self-talk in small notebooks on the right side of the page. We also ask that they write down the corresponding positive affirmation next to the negative one on the left side of the page. During each weekly session we tear off the negative self-talk leaving the positive affirmations on the notebook pages.

As the weeks progresses the list of positive affirmations grows. The participants are encouraged to work with their positive affirmations each day. We ask them to repeat one of their positive affirmations each day along with the positive affirmation “I Am Prosperous”, in the morning before they even get out of bed, in the afternoon and in the evening before they go to sleep.

We collect the pages of negative self-talk each week and burn them which is a way of ridding ourselves of the negative energy that inhibits us and keeps us stuck in the past rather than moving our lives forward. Try it – it works for our participants and it can work for you.

I wish you a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year.

I also want to thank all of you who have so generously supported The Business of Me…I am truly grateful!

By the way it’s not too late to help 100 women create self-sufficient lives in 2012, just click this link http://www.indiegogo.com/Give-the-Gift-of-Independence-to-100-Women-Survivors-of-Domestic-Violence. Start the New Year by helping a woman break the cycle of violence in her life – it will make you feel good.

A Grandmother’s Tale

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 18:24:28 +0100

Picture this - a young 19 year old college student standing in her boyfriend’s bedroom - he has a gun and puts it against her head and says “this is how you do it” and pulls the trigger. The young woman falls dead on the floor. He calls 911 hours after the shooting and tells 911 “A woman passed out”.

The young man had repeatedly abused his girlfriend and he finally murdered her. He has been charged with reckless homicide. The young woman’s grandmother is now fighting to have the charge amended to first degree murder. According to the grandmother the abuser intentionally held a gun to her head and shot her.

A young promising life was snuffed out for no good reason and her family has to live with the aftermath – horrifying! Here is the full story http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2011/dec/27/domestic-violence-cases-mar-11/.