The 4^th of July 1992 was approximately 6 months after I had left my ex-husband. We were still battling in court.

In order to help me get my mind off my personal problems my friend Linda asked me if I wanted to spend the day with her at New York’s South Street Seaport. Each 4^th of July New York has fireworks in the harbor and this year we would spend time at the Seaport and watch the fireworks.

We found a spot that was perfect for viewing and at 9 p.m. the show began. As the fireworks wen...

I was 15 when I met my ex-husband. I was 16 when we had sex. Being a good catholic girl I was indoctrinated with the idea that having sex was wrong unless you were married.

After we had sex I felt that everyone could tell what I had done as if there was, like Hester Prynne in the book “The Scarlet Letter” I too had a scarlet letter on my chest that all could see. I was scared and confused and 16.

I know that sounds ridiculous but the way I was brought up influenced how I thought. And I...

February 1993 was the day I moved into my first apartment. I was finally on my own at age 39.

I got married at age 19 and lived with my ex-husband until December 28. 1991 and then I had no choice but to live with my mom for some time. February 1, 1993 was a great day. It was a snowy wintry New York City day but I was so happy.

My friend Linda helped me move. Linda had a small car and all that I had in the world fit in that little car. I only had clothes and nothing else. I had purchased a ...

The week I left my ex-husband I did 2 things. I hired an attorney and found a therapist. I’m not sure which came first but those were the first two really independent decisions of my adult life.

I had been in therapy for about 2 ½ years my divorce was finally over and I asked my therapist to help me find out why I did what I did (marry this man) as I never wanted to do that again.  My therapist was a great no-nonsense person who immediately said to me “Fasten your seat belt - this is ...

When I left my ex-husband I moved in with my mom and left all my belongings in the apartment I had shared with my husband.

My attorney called me to ask me to take inventory of the items in the apartment. Since we had both moved out of the apartment that we had shared I went to take inventory. Needless to say I was surprised when I arrived at the apartment to find that nothing, and I mean nothing, was left there. He had cleaned the place out. Opps, sorry……. He hadn’t taken the shower c...

During some of my “darkest days” when I was going thru my divorce I had a lot of support from the executive officers of my company and my co-workers. One of those co-workers was my assistant Wilma.

Wilma was my assistant for 12 years. She was my confidant and she protected me very well. Yes I said protected me. Once there was an incident at the office when my ex-husband showed up unannounced at the security desk and insisted on talking to me in person.  When I left my ex-husband I had g...

I’m afraid of heights. Not all heights but only where I am not enclosed. I’m fine when I’m flying in an airplane but when I’m hiking for instance, and I am climbing a steep hill - I don’t like that at all. 

I was never able to figure out where my fear of heights came from and then I remembered a recurring dream I had as a child. The dream has me in a car with my mother driving and I am in the back seat - the car is a convertible. The car approaches a very narrow silver bridge whic...

“I can have you put away.” Those were the words my ex-husband repeatedly said to me.  He was intimidating me and I bought every word of it.

I always worked late into the evening, primarily because I did not want to go home as I never knew what kind of a mood he would be in. One particular night he was furious at me for reasons I didn’t then and will never understand. I was the major wage earner and if it wasn’t for my salary we would have lived on the street.

As soon as I came throu...

In one my previous blog posts I talked about how I was plagued with dreams (nightmares really).

One dream that I am going to relate was a recurring dream. I was living on my own and my divorce was not finalized. We were battling and it always seemed like the divorce would never get finalized.

I loved to swim in the ocean but I was always afraid of drowning.  I never liked it when the waves were big. In this dream I was in the water swimming and all of a sudden the waves got so big and roug...

The first apartment that I lived in after my divorce was a small studio in Manhattan. I was living alone and enjoying the solitude. If I wanted to eat cookies for dinner I did. If I wanted to sleep all day on a weekend I did. If I wanted to go to dinner with friends I did. If I wanted to go sightseeing in NYC I did.  If I wanted to do nothing, I did nothing. For the first time in my life I was able to do what I wanted when I wanted. That was very cool!

During one wintry Saturday evening ther...

After my divorce when I was living alone in my own apartment I went through a period of having a lot of dreams. One dream I will never forget.

In the dream I saw a woman who had the same hairstyle as I did. I didn’t see her face as her back was turned toward me.

She walked up to a square mirror and stopped in front of it. I saw her reflection in the mirror and to my shock it was me - but it wasn’t me.

It was certainly my face but the face in the mirror was horribly scarred all over th...

Yesterday’s blog post “The Abyss” created a great deal of uneasiness for me. I had tension in my neck and was just in a bad rotten mood.

I kept thinking why were there no pictures of me during 20 years of my marriage? I dwelled on that until it dawned on me that I did not want to see the person I was then. I did not want to acknowledge the person I was….a victim who lived this secret life. I was completely ashamed of whom I was and I did not like that Nancy.

In my way of thinking i...

I got married at the age of 19.  I know, as my Mom used to say after I left my husband, I should have broken my leg on the way down the aisle, but I didn’t. I was married for 20 years.

I have a lot of pictures of me from when I was a baby through to my teens up to the day I got married. After I was married the picture taking almost all ceased. It was like I already knew that I should not record this marriage with photos, if I have ten photos of myself during the 20 years of marriage that ...

I paid my ex-husband. We had been battling for almost 2 years primarily because he did not want a divorce.

I had reached the end of my rope one day and called my attorney and said “I no longer care that he does not want a divorce I just want nothing to do with him and further if I see him on the street I will not acknowledge him…l will pass him like he does not exist.”

Well she must have contacted his attorney because a few days later she called me and said my husband agreed to a div...

My divorce was finalized on February 17, 1993. I was at work when my attorney called me with the great news.  It was finally over!

February 17, 1993 was also the day that I was once again legally allowed to use my maiden name, Salamone.

At my company every officer had their name on their office door.  The office door nameplate holder made it easy to remove the plate and replace it with a new name plate if the current occupant moved out and a new person moved in.

The moment I finished talk...

Those words were spoken by my mother to me.

When I left my ex-husband I obtained the services of an attorney and therapist in the same week. Since I had lived a life of secrecy I decided to tell the complete truth about everything. I was staying with my Mom so I informed her before I left for work that day that I would be home a bit later than usual that evening as I had an appointment with a therapist. Mom did not say a word about it and said she would be home when I got in. 

After work ...

You learn a lot about law when you get a divorce. One of the lessons I learned was that you could not just go back to your maiden name unless it was part of the divorce.

If I hadn’t mentioned in passing to my attorney that I was going to use my maiden name I would still be stuck with his.  Being stuck with his name would have been a constant reminder of the life I had lived, a life I wanted to put behind me.

Becoming Nancy Salamone again allowed me to emotionally break my ties to him and ...