An incident happened this past weekend that showed me how I still suffer the effects of years of abuse.

 There was an altercation of which I was a part of and rather than stand up for myself and my partner I shut down, just like I used to shut down whenever my ex-husband would yell, scream and harass me.

While the details of the disagreement are not important, my reaction to it is. I allowed my partner to take the brunt of someone’s threats against both of us and not say a word. I could ...

Today is a “dark day”. Even though I have been through years of therapy and work on my attitude and outlook there are days when I just go to that dark place.

Today I just want to leave everything and just hide and say %$#* to anyone who gets in my way. Nothing I write today is good enough, in fact, nothing I have done today is good enough, as far as I am concerned. I have been pretty harsh on myself today.  And yes, today I feel like a failure and yes I know that I am not a failure - bu...

I was twelve years old when it happened. My body matured overnight. In my Italian family the women were gifted with either voluptuous breasts or a great booty. I got the breasts.

I was shy as an adolescent and I wasn't thrilled with my breasts - I thought they were too big. I was never comfortable being the center of attention and all I wanted to do was blend in.

 Whether it was reality or not I just felt all the boys’ eyes went right to – well you know where. I was so self -conscious ...

For years after I left my ex-husband I lived in shame. I was an abused woman who for twenty years endured abuse at the hands of my ex-husband. How horrible and how shameful.

When my divorce was finally granted I was embarrassed about the life I had lived. Because my ex-husband harassed my co-workers they knew what I had endured.  I always wondered what my co-workers thought about me. "What’s wrong with her?" "How could she stay with an abusive husband for so long?" "Why did she allow that ...

I don’t eat escargot. I never have and probably never will.

When I was young my family gathered at my grandmother’s small apartment in the Bronx in New York every Sunday for dinner. My Italian grandmother would cook in her old fashioned kitchen for all my aunts, uncles and cousins every Sunday - it was a ritual.

I remember one Sunday well. I walked into the kitchen as Grandma was at the stove cooking. She had a big iron pot on the stove and a large wooden spoon in her hand. She was wh...

I am a very grateful today! But I wasn’t always grateful; in fact I was more hateful than grateful. I hated my life, I hated taking the train to work, I hated my clothes, I just hated everything.

I lived a woe is me life. I felt sorry for what life had handed me, an abusive husband and a gambler at that. No prince charming. Most of you know I finally left him after many years of marriage.

I remember talking to my therapist once about what life had handed me. And being the very pragmatic,...

When I met my ex-husband as a teenager I gave up my friends. He wanted me to spend all my time with him. How romantic. Ha! And after we were married I completely lost touch with anyone from my younger days. I fell into a black hole. I was isolated which is exactly what he wanted.

But a wonderful thing happened during my divorce I re-connected with one of my old friends from grammar school. The years melted away when we got in touch and it was like we never were apart.

As I made my way out ...

A good friend asked me recently about my wedding. I never talk about it because it’s a day I really don’t want to remember. Most women look forward to their wedding, I didn't. I didn't even look pretty that day.

On my wedding day all my bridesmaids and my aunts were gathered at my mom's house to see me get dressed for the “big” day. The photographer arrived for the photo shoot. He had me posing by a window with all my aunts and bridesmaids gathered around. My mother, who was also sta...