For the past week I've had a picture in my mind about my mom that is making my heart ache.  Mom was 21 years younger than my dad. And unfortunately dad became ill early in their marriage and my mom’s life changed from wife and mother to wife, mother, bread winner and caretaker for my dad – my sisters and I were too young to help her take care of him.

Mom’s life was a very lonely life filled with hard work. The picture of her that is haunting me is of her sitting by herself at the dinner table – she had to work late and always ended up having dinner by herself. I can feel the emotion welling up in me as I write this.

Not only did she have dinner by herself but she also had to do the books for her business which she did while she was trying to eat. I can still see her at the table with her head down doing her bookkeeping. To me it’s a picture of a very lonely life.

Perhaps the “little girl” inside me regrets not spending time with her on those nights. 

While writing this the pain of that picture of my mom is suddenly gone. Just writing it down has made me feel so much better. I guess the “little girl” just needed to say “I’m sorry I wasn't there for you mom – but the adult I am now will always be there for you”.