An incident happened this past weekend that showed me how I still suffer the effects of years of abuse.

 There was an altercation of which I was a part of and rather than stand up for myself and my partner I shut down, just like I used to shut down whenever my ex-husband would yell, scream and harass me.

While the details of the disagreement are not important, my reaction to it is. I allowed my partner to take the brunt of someone’s threats against both of us and not say a word. I could not defend myself or my partner (even though my partner was right), and I know why. I cannot handle conflict.

Someone told me once I should have been a UN diplomat because I always look for solutions to make everyone happy. Well, you can’t always make everyone happy but in the process of trying to help everyone be happy I make myself unhappy! In fact, as I write this, I still feel the anxiety I felt when the incident occurred a few days ago.

I am not a yeller or screamer and I don’t intend to become one, and, frankly I'm not very good at it. What I am good at is telling anyone that I will not tolerate the yelling and will not talk to them until they have calmed down enough to have a rational discussion and if they don’t calm down I am going to walk away.

I am realistic enough to know that some conflicts may not be resolved amicably, and that, my friends, are what attorneys are for. And yes this incident did require the help of an attorney.

I am not going to change who I am but from now on I am going to stand up for myself in my own way.