Like many I am fascinated with Jeremy Lin. I am fascinated by his incredible story of triumph. I have never been a sports fan but I find myself not only watching the Knicks games but checking their schedule so I don’t miss the next one.

By now we know that only a few weeks ago Jeremy was sleeping on his brother’s sofa and was so depressed he cried about his circumstances. Then the “break” came and as Jeremy said he decided to “play his game” – and what a game it is!

Jeremy had...

Meet Ravelle. Ravelle is a lovely, smart, educated 74 year old woman. Ravelle teaches at NYU and does freelance work in PR. Ravelle is also 74 years old and admits she never saved a penny for retirement (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/pf_article_111154.html).Ravelle always thought that retirement would take care of itself.

Retirement does not take care of itself – you do! Ravelle is not alone.  Many women delay putting into place money saving strategies to take care of themselves.

Accord...

Like many others I will never give another dime to Susan G. Koman.  Women’s health should not be used as a political football. I had breast cancer and thankfully I had insurance to pay for my care but there are many women who do not have health insurance and rely on Planned Parenthood for their mammographies. Women’s health is not political issue – it is a moral issue.

If woman’s health is under attack –is domestic violence next? Fact - funding for women’s organizations is being ...

I have faced and conquered a number of fears. Yet there is still one thing that frightens me – medical tests. I hate it when a doctor says “I think we should do a test just to be sure all is good.”

In years past I would panic everyday to the point where I could not think about anything else until the test was completed and I received the results. The only test I had that had a negative outcome was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was fortunate that my breast cancer was found...

This week News4 in Jacksonville, FL published this article (http://www.news4jax.com/news/Domestic-violence-doesn-t-discriminate/-/475880/7897318/-/vfm16c/-/index.html). The title of the article is “Domestic Violence Doesn’t Discriminate”.

Many people still believe that domestic violence is prevalent at lower income levels and not affluent successful women. Well they are wrong! I was abused and I was a successful Wall Street executive.

Domestic violence is an equal opportunity social...

One of the most dangerous times for a victim of domestic violence is when she leaves the abusive relationship. I know. When I left my ex-husband the reign of terror began in earnest. I was stalked, terrorized and beaten within an inch of my life. At the advice of my attorney I hired a bodyguard. I was fortunate I had the means to afford one but not all women do and this is a story about one of these women.

Her name was Shelby Wilkie and she was murdered by her husband. It seems that Shelby h...

This story ran on December 30, 2011 (http://www.wmbfnews.com/story/16418294/domestic-abuse-victim-survives-12-hours-of-beating).The story is about a woman who endured 12 hours of torture at the hands of her boyfriend. During those horrifying 12 hours she was so severely beaten, kicked and dragged by her hair that she kept losing consciousness.  She miraculously escaped when he left the house to get cigarettes. He was arrested.

She appeared in court to testify. “He kicked me in the head. He...

Since I have not lived in NYC for over five years I was unaware of the annual Good Riddance Day (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/29/good-riddance-day-in-time_n_1174784.htmlIt’s a day where folks can smash, shred, dump or find other ways to destroy their bad memories of 2011.  I love that idea –it’s a way to make room for the good that will come into our life in 2012.

We have a similar ritual in The Business of Me to help our participants rid themselves of the negative thoughts...

Picture this - a young 19 year old college student standing in her boyfriend’s bedroom - he has a gun and puts it against her head and says “this is how you do it” and pulls the trigger. The young woman falls dead on the floor. He calls 911 hours after the shooting and tells 911 “A woman passed out”.

The young man had repeatedly abused his girlfriend and he finally murdered her. He has been charged with reckless homicide.  The young woman’s grandmother is now fighting to have the...

Many of you have heard me talk about Omerta. Omerta is a code of silence prevalent in Sicilian heritage. I have talked about how Omerta affected my life and how it was part of the reason I endured domestic violence for so many years and stayed silent.

I have a story I want to share with you. It was Memorial Day1992 and my aunt invited my mom to a family barbeque. My mother asked if I could come. Now you need to know that I was living with my mom and she didn't tell anyone in the family that...

Last Wednesday I was honored to be the keynote speaker at The Dress For Success Event commemorating Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The incredible event was held at Brooklyn Boro Hall which was draped in purple.

I was also honored to be invited to an interview which included Dress For Success CEO Joi Gordon and Verizon http://www.ny1.com/content/149534/women-s-groups-use-film-to-convey-domestic-violence-message.

I want to thank Dress for Success for including me at their wonderful event!

As soon as I get out of bed in the morning, before I even have a cup of coffee, with my eyes still half closed, I check my email. I know I’m addicted. And yes, I need to do something about but it but that is not the reason for this post.

As I was going through my emails I saw an email from a Twitter follower – yes, I Twitter too. The message said “There is a bad blog going around about you, did you see it?” I immediately felt that old feeling of fear came back – but just for a sec...

I have not only survived domestic violence but I have survived breast cancer too. Years after my divorce I was diagnosed with DCIS (Ductal carcinoma in situ).  When the doctor told me the news I was in shock. My first thought was “Why me? I don’t need another character building exercise”.  I was fortunate that it was caught early and after a lumpectomy and radiation treatment I was cancer free.

Well it’s been over 10 years since my cancer and all my mammographies have been perfect -...

This morning as I was walking to Dunkin Donuts to get my morning coffee I ran into a homeless man. This man was carrying 3 very large garbage bags of empty cans and bottles that he obviously had been collecting and was off to redeem them for cash. This is not the first time I have seen homeless people walking the streets of NYC with their bags of empty bottles, and it’s not just men - it’s women too.

Somehow the fact that I accidentally ran into this man has shaken me and I can’t seem ...

Many of you know that I was brought up in a large Sicilian Roman Catholic family and that the only way to be heard above the roar was to yell. Yes, I come from a long line of expert yellers. When I first met my ex-husband’s family they were also yellers and screamers.

In my world yelling and screaming was the way you showed someone how much you cared for them. In fact, my ex-husband told me once he yelled at me because he cared for me and for years I bought that. 

I now know that “yell...

 “You’re a girl so you are your mother’s problem” is what my dad told me when I was about 5 years old. Dad completely disengaged himself from my upbringing. He also told me that “If he had a son he could do things with a son like fishing and horseback riding”. The message was clear, I was a girl so I was not worthy of his attention.

Those words haunt me to this day. And it’s those words that subconsciously put me on a quest to find “a daddy”. I went looking for someone who...

I’m diabetic. Diabetes runs in my family and I inherited it. Type 2 diabetes runs in my family and I was diagnosed with it when I was nineteen – the same year I got married. My mom told me once after I left my ex-husband that I should have broken my leg walking down the aisle but I didn’t I got married.

A friend of mine told me once that perhaps I became diabetic in the same year I got married as that was the year the sweetness went out of my life. I don’t know about that but I do kn...

Well the jobs report is out and the news is not good – no new jobs were added in August and unemployment remains at 9.1%. My purpose today is not to talk about the unemployment rate but to talk about my reaction to news in general.

I will admit to being a news “junkie” and I am finding that this barrage of horrible news is starting to affect my mood – I need an intervention.  I am especially sick (as I’m sure we all are) of the bickering crap that is going on in Washington D.C. on...

Many of you know that my partner and I found a kitten about 3 months ago and we are enjoying having him in our lives. We have named the kitten Poncho.

Poncho is an active kitten running, jumping, fetching (yes, fetching!) and biting. He does not bite out of meanness; he bites as part of his play. Since my partner takes blood thinners and Poncho does break his skin he is bleeding a lot. So we decided that Poncho needed a buddy. We went to an animal shelter in our neighborhood and found an ad...

Many of you know that my partner and I found a kitten about 3 months ago and we are enjoying having him in our lives. We have named the kitten Poncho.

Poncho is an active kitten running, jumping, fetching (yes, fetching!) and biting. He does not bite out of meanness; he bites as part of his play. Since my partner takes blood thinners and Poncho does break his skin he is bleeding a lot. So we decided that Poncho needed a buddy. We went to an animal shelter in our neighborhood and found an ad...

I received an email from a friend today who felt I would be facing some challenges and his partner told him “Don’t worry about Nancy she is a powerhouse”. I don’t view myself as a “powerhouse” so to hear someone else say that about me is a real boost to my psyche and a great motivator.

There are times when we are feeling overwhelmed by our circumstances and then “out of the blue” you get the boost you need to keep moving to achieve your goals – and yes you are a “powerho...

Many of you have heard me talk about the importance of planning for the future we desire.  I still hold to that principal but I also have learned that the road to success does have roadblocks. I have also learned that regardless of the roadblocks I need to keep working my plan.

The roadblocks do not mean we will not attain the goals we have planned. The roadblocks mean we need to make temporary adjustments to our plan. In fact, what we may perceive as roadblocks are blessings.

I hav...

Many of you know that when I worked on Wall Street I had an assistant for a number of years. Wilma is no nonsense, straight talking Latina with a heart of gold. She became my defender, confident and a life long friend whose advice I cherish.

I woke up today thinking about Wilma and some of her “sayings”. Wilma would always say “When you are feeling your worst you should look your best.” She was right about that. When I was going through my divorce there were many days where I felt...

When I was a child my Dad brought home a puppy. My sister and I were so excited and thrilled to have a puppy but our excitement was short lived. The active little puppy was obviously not house-trained and my Mom scared the little thing to death by chasing it around with a broom. The poor little puppy was so scared that it did “its business” all over the house which incited my Mom even more – these were the days before “wee-wee” pads.  The next morning when my sister and I woke up th...

Recently a number of women have reached out to me and told me about their struggles with domestic violence. The women who have contacted me are still in those abusive relationships and were seeking advice on what they should do so they can leave their abusers.

Each woman had the same concern – money. It is important to start putting aside “escape” money. Put aside money that only you know about and can use to get out in a hurry, if you need to. Open a bank account in your name only an...

Yesterday I read this quote “Stress, worry, and anxiety simply come from projecting your thoughts into the future and imagining something bad. This is focusing on what you don't want! If you find that your mind is projecting into the future in a negative way, focus intensely on NOW. Keep bringing yourself back to the present.”

This sounds so simple and easy but it’s not. I know that when my mind goes to those “dark” places I have to really stop all I am doing and really work on ge...

After my divorce I spent 10 years living alone. Yes I made friends and had an active social life but I did not want a “relationship”. I needed to have “alone” time to heal and learn how to be by myself and enjoy my own company.  The time I spent living alone allowed me to be “me” and hone in on what I truly wanted in my life.

It was not until I became a happy single person that I was ready to share my life with someone. So to all the women I have met as I travel around the count...

Many women are murdered by their intimate partners. There were 2 women who were recently murdered by their intimate partners and it’s not just that they were murdered it was the vicious brutality of the murders that I can’t get out of my mind.

One woman was doused with lighter fluid and set on fire and the other was nearly decapitated as her boyfriend was trying to destroy her face with a knife. Horrifying!

I can’t even imagine what the last moments of these women’s lives were like...

I have had this picture in my mind for days. It’s Christmas Eve when I was a child and my entire family would gather at one of my aunts’ homes in the Bronx. Since my mom was one of ten children there was always a huge crowd on Christmas Eve.

I can still see the Christmas tree laden with gifts for everyone which would be handed out after midnight. But it’s not the gifts I remember; rather it is the tradition our family had.  At the stroke of midnight everyone stopped their conversation...

I was talking with a lovely woman today who has endured her own struggles with abuse. As we talked she told me about how shameful she felt about the abuse she endured. I can relate to her feelings of shame as it was shame that kept me from telling anyone what I was going through.

It has taken many years but I no longer feel any shame. Hooray for me! I know I did nothing to be ashamed of – he did!

I no longer hide what I went through or keep it a secret. What I went through is part of my ...

Picture this well-dressed woman, a Wall Street executive - a normal day at work.

This woman is going about her day busy with meetings, talking to clients and reading her mail doing what she does every day. But this day, a day that began just like any other wouldn’t be ordinary at all.

You see, she had recently left her abusive husband and was scared to death that he would come to the office to harass her.  She informed building security and a picture of her husband was given to the secur...

A lovely lady passed away. Her name was Barbara. Barbara was my partner’s mom. Barbara never achieved great fame or wealth but she was a loving mom and grandmother – and so much more than that.

When I first met Barbara she was at the beginning of her long painful journey through Alzheimer’s disease. She was still lucid most of the time and the social, fun-loving person inside her was still evident. Barbara lived in Los Angeles and came to stay with us in NY for Christmas. Christmas wa...

For the past week I've had a picture in my mind about my mom that is making my heart ache.  Mom was 21 years younger than my dad. And unfortunately dad became ill early in their marriage and my mom’s life changed from wife and mother to wife, mother, bread winner and caretaker for my dad – my sisters and I were too young to help her take care of him.

Mom’s life was a very lonely life filled with hard work. The picture of her that is haunting me is of her sitting by herself at the dinn...

I have been involved in a bad business deal which I thought had finally come to a conclusion around Christmastime. Well I was wrong. It seems it just does not want to end.

As I was talking to my partner yesterday I said perhaps it’s my Karma to have run into this person now. Maybe I wronged him in another life and he’s back to get revenge. Or maybe I have just run into a #%$@*. But as my partner reminded either way it’s still my Karma to have to deal with this person.

I have allowed ...

You have a plan and you work the plan everyday but are you bogged down with what the outcome should be?  I know I was and then a friend of mine the author of “Socks in the Dryer” Paol Seagram said to me “Don’t be attached to the outcome. Just keep putting it out there.”

I asked Paol what he meant by that and he said “Just keep doing the work and your plan will happen but it may not come from where you expect or how you expect it.”  And I know from my personal experience he is r...

I have been presented with a set of options in a business deal. My “old self” would have made a quick “knee jerk” decision without really analyzing the options.

Well my “new self” is going to analyze my options using the SWOT analysis employed in The Business of Me. The SWOT analysis will examine the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats of each option. Only after I have examined each option will I be able to make a “choiceful” decision.

In The Business of Me a �...

I have never owned a pet but now it seems my neighbor’s cat has decided he likes my house more than my neighbor’s house so he has, in his mind, moved in. And yes we feed it and let it roam where it wants to go. We pet it and give it love – that is, when the cat wants to be loved.

As I observe the cat whose name is Pacifico I am constantly amazed at how it just does what it wants to do when it wants to do it.  Pacifico does not care about your feelings - Pacifico is all about Pacifico's...

I was speaking to a man yesterday who has been on a personal spiritual journey for years. He talked about how far he has come and how much he has changed and how his life has improved. He told me about how he is now on a quest to understand the “Law of Attraction”.

I am also on a personal quest to understand and put into practice the principals of the “Law of Attraction”. The first thing I found out about the “Law of Attraction” is that if I am unhappy about my current situation...

We all like the “big win” but often it is the “little victories” that happen each day that are the most significant. It is the little victories that keep us motivated to continue our quest to attain our longer-range goals.

I know. In the past few days I have been gratified with the “little victories” that have come my way and make me realize that I am on the right track. It is only a matter of time before the “big win” is achieved.

Each day we should keep working our plan an...

I was asked to write a blog for International Women’s Day (http://bit.ly/hutBa0). The title is “Silent Heroines” – and this post is for the wonderful women who have enriched my life.

Silent Heroines

I was asked why I support International Women’s Day. For me the answer is easy - I support this day for all the silent heroines who walk amongst us. It is the silent heroines who work every day to make the lives of those around them a better place.

We all know these women.

·        ...

I am a person who plans. I am always looking to the future and making plans to reach the goals I have set for myself. Today I am going to do something different and celebrate today. I am going to enjoy living in the “now”. I am going to enjoy the little victories that have come to me today.

I will do as Reverend Michael Bernard Beckwith of Agape (http://www.agapelive.com) says “If you find yourself drifting into the future, let yourself feel that things are getting better and better a...

Sometimes in life you have to “take a stand”.  I am in the midst of taking a stand and standing up for myself.  After so many years of abuse this is not a natural way of being for me.

As my friend the author of “Socks in the Dryer” Paol Seagram says “Nothing Changes Until You Do”. Standing up for myself is part of the change I have to make so I can continue to move my life forward.

In fact I stood up today and before I made the decision to do so I was filled with fear of what I...

The holiday season is in full swing and many of us will be celebrating with friends and family. We will be wrapped in the warmth of our loved ones but for many women and children who endure domestic violence the holidays are a very difficult time. There is no “cease fire” because the holidays are upon us - for them the abuse continues each and every day.

My family has a number of holiday traditions that we enjoy each year as I'm sure your family has holiday traditions that you enjoy too...

I use the dictionary a lot. The dictionary has been my companion for many years because I always want to know what words really mean. My post on December 3rd titled “Victimized Again-And I Am Angry” http://www.nancysstory.com/nancys-blog.php I talk about how I am being abused by a man in a business deal.

Over the past few days I have thought that perhaps I was wrong for using the word abused, but as it turns out I am correct-I am being abused. According to the dictionary one of the defi...

I have always handled my business dealings with honesty and integrity; how naïve of me to think that everyone does or will do the same.

I am so angry even as I write this my hands are shaking. The old feelings of being abused have consumed me as I have not been able to write, think clearly or sleep. Does this sound familiar to those of you who have endured abuse?

Many of you kn...

October was a whirlwind of travel for me visiting a number of cities to talk about Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I was even invited to the White House to commemorate Domestic Violence Awareness Month with President Obama, Vice President Biden and White House Advisor on Violence Against Women Lynn Rosenthal. I wrote about that in a recent The Business of Me post (http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog.php ).

 I was also a guest speaker at the University of Rochester in Ne...

One of the first things I did when I left my ex-husband was to find a therapist. Fortune smiled upon me and the therapist I found was perfect for me.

For the first two years when I was being threatened, stalked and terrorized by my ex-husband she was instrumental in helping me deal with him and his threats. When my divorce was finally over and I was secure he was not coming back into my life my therapy took a different direction.

I needed to know why I stayed in such a toxic relationship fo...

I have had the privilege to present The Business of Me many times. The women who have participated in the program are courageous and resilient. There was one young woman who participated in the program who is a testament to that courage and resilience. I will call her Kelly and here is her story.

To say Kelly is beautiful is an understatement.  Kelly is “movie star” beautiful; in fact she looks like Nicole Kidman.  Yet Kelly did not feel beautiful outside or inside, she was at 33 a domes...

I spent years in isolation during my marriage and I’m not alone. Many women who endure abusive relationships are intentionally isolated from friends and family. Sure, I went to work and interacted with my co-workers but I had no friends. My ex-husband controlled my activities and if I went out of bounds-I paid a price.

It was not until I left him that I was able to have a happy social life. The people who came into my life were supportive and loving. They did not judge me for the life I li...

What was it t hat made me leave the day I did? What was the tipping point that made you finally leave? I am asked questions like that every day.

The day I left was no different than any other day. The abuse was no different. The only difference was that he was not home that day.

It was like “an out of body” experience. I saw a woman packing a bag, I saw her closing the door behind her suitcase in hand and off I went to my mother’s. When I arrived at my mother’s completely unannoun...

I have been depressed these past few days and I know why-my plan that I have is not moving fast enough for me. Yes I know I have little victories everyday but for some reason for the past few days I just want to get to the finish line. Rather than being grateful for what I do have I am mired in what I “perceive” I don’t have. Not a good thing. In fact, I have been so mired in my “bad stuff” that I have upset someone who I love very much.  And I regret that very much.

Yet there is g...

No matter how good my life is I sometimes have this little voice in my head telling me “be careful”. It seems I am always waiting for “the other shoe to drop”. I still assume that all the good in my life will just one day disappear.

For so many years I did live a life where “the shoe dropped” everyday and yes those days are long gone- but obviously not in my head. I still battle with irrational thoughts that some unknown bad will come into my life and all that I have worked for ...

My dad told me so many times as I was growing up that he wanted me to be a teacher. He thought being a teacher was a great profession for a woman. Yes teaching is an honorable profession but not for the reasons dad wanted me to become one.

Dad wanted me to be a teacher because he assumed I would get married one day (he was correct there) but he thought that being a teacher would allow me to be home early and take care of the children (I never had any) and have supper on the table when my hu...

My ex-husband fought me for two years before he would agree to a divorce. We had no children and no money yet he battled me every step of the way - and I know why.

Some might think that he loved me and wanted to make a go of the marriage but that was the furthest reason from the truth. He wanted to maintain his lifestyle. I was the major wage earner and he was a gambler. Without me he would not be able to do what he wanted and what he wanted was for me to work so he could pursue his gambling...

Every organization has jobs that are necessary but at the same time are thankless and tedious. I was the queen of thankless and tedious jobs. If there was a division that no one wanted I said bring it on, if there was a division that was performing poorly and no one wanted to touch I said bring it on.  I would gladly take on what no one else wanted because that was my way of trying to ensure that I would not lose my job.

I was the major wage earner and I had to be sure that I was never out ...

I always wanted a "dad." I wanted a dad who would talk to me, give me advice, hug me, take me places and make me feel special. I never had that and I would constantly complain about it to my therapist. Finally one day after having again bemoaned that my dad was never present for me my therapist cut me off and abruptly told me "get over it, you never had a real dad and that is not going to change". She suggested that I become the “good parent” to myself.

That stated me on a path of takin...

When you think of insurance companies many people think of old fashioned stuffy organizations filled with a bunch of blue suits. In many respects that was true of the insurance company I worked for. Yet when I told the executives I worked for about the threats I was receiving from my estranged husband those executives did not hesitate to help me.

They immediately asked me for a picture of my ex-husband and gave that picture to the security deck with instructions that if this person ever tri...

For many years I thought I was alone. What I mean by that is I always felt I could never ask anyone for help or advice-and I never did. Not asking for help or advice was one of the reasons I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long.

The reason I never sought help was that I was ashamed. It was not until years later I realized I had nothing to be ashamed of-he did. When I finally left the only way I was able to stay out of the relationship was to ask for help. And what I found was that n...

When I left my ex-husband I was thirty nine years old. He was my first and only boyfriend. I had no experience with men other than a very bad experience with him. I don’t think anyone would have been surprised if I hated men after that experience, but I didn’t. I did hate him but I didn't believe that all men were like him.

The good news was I did not hate men - the bad news was at thirty nine I had the emotional maturity of a fifteen year old when it came to men. Thank goodness I did no...

My assistant Wilma, who was with me for years, almost quit one day. She told a co-worker that she could no longer stand how I treated her. This was right before I left my ex-husband. I was being downright mean to her and I didn't even realize it. I would crumble up phone messages from my ex-husband that she took when I was at meetings and dump them on her desk like her desk was a garbage pail. I had no clue what I was doing.

I was shocked when I heard that Wilma wanted to quit and could not ...

The only victories I ever really wanted were the “big wins”. You know like getting that “big job” or the “big promotion” or winning the lottery. Well I have never won the lottery but I have small victories every day. Yup I said every day.  It’s the small victories that add up to the “big wins”.

A small victory for me is when one person buys my book or when one woman contacts me and tells me how my story has moved her to begin writing her own tales about her life and how wr...

I always tell everyone how important it is to take "me time". Yet for a long time I have been going and going and going just like the Energizer Bunny and didn't take any "me time". Well the bunny ran out of juice yesterday and my body and my mind just shut down. I couldn't do anything. I couldn’t think or write or move. I just napped most of the day. My creativity was completely zapped and I had no energy for anything other just sitting on the couch.

So now my friends, I am going to pract...

I have been interviewed three times this week on various local radio shows. There was one question each interviewer asked me and that was “Do I have any regrets about my life?” I don’t.

I don’t have regrets because I choose not to live in the past. I can’t change the past but I can do something about my future. Living in the past leaves no room for me to move my life forward.

The author Maria Robinson said “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start toda...

A good friend asked me today how I felt about publishing my first book. I told him that the reality has not sunk in yet.

I never thought I would write a book. In fact I never thought I would be writing a blog. I always thought I would live a quiet, unassuming life. I have always viewed myself as an introverted person. No I am not introverted with my friends or family but I tend to be the type of person who blends in and does not feel comfortable being “out there”.

I am every woman. I ...

Over the many months that I have been blogging a number of women have approached me to tell me their stories. I want to thank all of the courageous women who have opened up to me and felt safe to tell me their stories – I am truly honored. I have learned from all of you and you have given me strength.

 I began writing as a way to help myself move past the pain, guilt, fear and shame I was feeling. Yes, it is hard to relive the abuse - but it has helped, I have found the process liberating ...

In fact one of my favorite fantasies was he died of some dread disease and his whole family and I were gathered around the cemetery plot and his mother in typical “Italian mourning” black was wailing and almost throwing herself into the plot. Me - I just stood there not cry...

Going through a divorce is tough enough but being stalked and threatened and afraid for your life while you’re going through one brings divorce to a whole new level.

 I would wake up every day wondering "what is he going to do today". I was exhausted and I just wanted the divorce to be final, but it seemed like it never would. Finding strength was not always easy and then one day I found inspiration in a song.

The song was by Tina Turner. It was from the movie about her life and how she...

Many people ask me “Nancy how could you have been so successful and yet live with an abusive husband?”  My answer is simple - FEAR.

When I was married I had no money. My husband primarily managed the money and he was a gambler. So the only way to be sure there was roof over my head was to become a competent, innovative and creative employee at work. I became an employer’s dream employee,  I never said no to any task, took on as much as they would give me and worked long hours not exp...

For the past couple of weeks I have been consumed with fear. My heart is racing, my hands shake and I have just had it with this fear. I have felt this kind of fear before and each time it was followed by a big change in my life like when I left my ex-husband. The only issue now is I’m not sure what the big change is that’s coming I just know its coming.

As many of you know I have written a book “Victory Over Violence” which will be published this month. I know that will create a cha...

An incident happened this past weekend that showed me how I still suffer the effects of years of abuse.

 There was an altercation of which I was a part of and rather than stand up for myself and my partner I shut down, just like I used to shut down whenever my ex-husband would yell, scream and harass me.

While the details of the disagreement are not important, my reaction to it is. I allowed my partner to take the brunt of someone’s threats against both of us and not say a word. I could ...

Today is a “dark day”. Even though I have been through years of therapy and work on my attitude and outlook there are days when I just go to that dark place.

Today I just want to leave everything and just hide and say %$#* to anyone who gets in my way. Nothing I write today is good enough, in fact, nothing I have done today is good enough, as far as I am concerned. I have been pretty harsh on myself today.  And yes, today I feel like a failure and yes I know that I am not a failure - bu...

I was twelve years old when it happened. My body matured overnight. In my Italian family the women were gifted with either voluptuous breasts or a great booty. I got the breasts.

I was shy as an adolescent and I wasn't thrilled with my breasts - I thought they were too big. I was never comfortable being the center of attention and all I wanted to do was blend in.

 Whether it was reality or not I just felt all the boys’ eyes went right to – well you know where. I was so self -conscious ...

For years after I left my ex-husband I lived in shame. I was an abused woman who for twenty years endured abuse at the hands of my ex-husband. How horrible and how shameful.

When my divorce was finally granted I was embarrassed about the life I had lived. Because my ex-husband harassed my co-workers they knew what I had endured.  I always wondered what my co-workers thought about me. "What’s wrong with her?" "How could she stay with an abusive husband for so long?" "Why did she allow that ...

I don’t eat escargot. I never have and probably never will.

When I was young my family gathered at my grandmother’s small apartment in the Bronx in New York every Sunday for dinner. My Italian grandmother would cook in her old fashioned kitchen for all my aunts, uncles and cousins every Sunday - it was a ritual.

I remember one Sunday well. I walked into the kitchen as Grandma was at the stove cooking. She had a big iron pot on the stove and a large wooden spoon in her hand. She was wh...

I am a very grateful today! But I wasn’t always grateful; in fact I was more hateful than grateful. I hated my life, I hated taking the train to work, I hated my clothes, I just hated everything.

I lived a woe is me life. I felt sorry for what life had handed me, an abusive husband and a gambler at that. No prince charming. Most of you know I finally left him after many years of marriage.

I remember talking to my therapist once about what life had handed me. And being the very pragmatic,...

When I met my ex-husband as a teenager I gave up my friends. He wanted me to spend all my time with him. How romantic. Ha! And after we were married I completely lost touch with anyone from my younger days. I fell into a black hole. I was isolated which is exactly what he wanted.

But a wonderful thing happened during my divorce I re-connected with one of my old friends from grammar school. The years melted away when we got in touch and it was like we never were apart.

As I made my way out ...

A good friend asked me recently about my wedding. I never talk about it because it’s a day I really don’t want to remember. Most women look forward to their wedding, I didn't. I didn't even look pretty that day.

On my wedding day all my bridesmaids and my aunts were gathered at my mom's house to see me get dressed for the “big” day. The photographer arrived for the photo shoot. He had me posing by a window with all my aunts and bridesmaids gathered around. My mother, who was also sta...

My ex-husband was the youngest of four brothers born into an Italian family in The Bronx, NY. All of his brothers considered themselves very "macho" and showed little respect for women. This disregard for women was evident one night when we gathered for a family dinner at his parent's home.

His eldest brother was talking about something that had appeared in the news that day and he cited some facts about the article. One of the "facts" that he mentioned was incorrect and I knew it so I offer...